Dear IKEA,

I'm your biggest fan. However, this long distance thing isn't really working for me anymore. I call and I call, I even make trips out to see you, but I'm getting the sense that the relationship is not mutual. I've been involved in these types of relationships before, and I've got to tell you, they usually end in tears. Like, when I had plans to marry Nate Berkus, and found out the hard way that no matter how hard I tried, he's just not that into me. Rejection is hard. But I've forgiven him, because he actually is the one who introduced you to me -- Back in 2000, when I didn't even have a place to decorate, and my social life consisted of watching Oprah in the afternoons with my mom.


Now, here's the deal: I would be happy to keep up this one-sided relationship if gas prices weren't so high. Actually, screw high gas prices, I'd be happy to keep it up if I didn't drive a VW Beetle. But let's face it, a beautifully slipcovered (and yes, I'm sure low quality, but I'll love you anyway, IKEA) white sofa just isn't going to squeeze into the Bug. I'd rent a UHaul, but I'm scared of driving on I-80 in one of those between Utah and Wyoming - those ice storms are a bitch. I drove from Colorado to both Salt Lake City AND Minneapolis just to see you, and you have yet to step foot in Denver.

I hear that's your concern about coming to Denver, too - those ice storms on I-80 and those small hills called the Rocky Mountains. But you can do it. It's time that you return the love, because I just don't have the energy to commit to a long distance relationship much longer. And I could really use some new living room furniture, and I have my eyes on a smashing coffee table.

So here's the bottom line, babe, if you don't make it out here, I'm going to have to buy higher quality and more expensive furniture. Is that what you want? It's certainly not my first choice, but I'm open to discussion.

Love Always (unless you don't cooperate),
Emily